Little Lost Maul
by UnspeakableHorror
Summary: Plagueis and Palpatine lose their tiny Sith Apprentice during a vacation to Yavin IV, and now must search for him.


This fic was done for pileofsith for the Jedifest Alien April event.

This is my first time writing a gift fic, so I hope that it is an acceptable one. Just something I came up with that lives in its own little AU. At 4,223 words, this is the shortest fanfic I've ever posted. This is a complete short story with one goal: finding a very tiny Maul.

* * *

"How could he have vanished so quickly?!" Plagueis exclaimed in dismay.

"He's got to be somewhere," Palpatine said, looking behind a tree. "Why are children so small?!"

Plagueis pulled up some scrub on the forest ground. "I thought you were watching him!"

"I was! I looked away for three seconds and he somehow disappeared!"

"Maybe this is a manifestation of his latent Force powers," Plagueis said. "Though enhanced speed does not usually manifest this early…"

"Maul," Palpatine called out in a singsong tone. "I have this whole cake I made just for you! It's full of sugar and incredibly unhealthy!"

The two Sith Lords scrambled through the Yavin underbrush, looking for the third. Ever since Plagueis had abolished the Rule of Two for the Rule of Three, Or Four, or Maybe Even More, they had been making a concerted effort to train their newest addition, the tiny (but fearsome!) Lord Maul.

But certainly all their efforts would be for naught if they couldn't find him!

After some time of walking through the forest, the two Sith Lords were feeling tired and rather lost themselves. Plagueis went to consult his datapad to find their location as they walked through the nearly impenetrable green undergrowth and clouds of biting bugs.

"This says our ship is three miles southeast of our current location. Perhaps we should see if Maul has returned there..."

Suddenly, they came upon a clearing. An enormous Sith Temple stood in front of them.

"Or maybe he went in there," Palpatine said.

"I suppose we should check," Plagueis replied, frowning. "Still, I feel this is rather farther than such tiny legs could carry him."

"At the very least we'll be out of this jungle," Palpatine said, swatting at the miasma of biting insects surrounding them. "But I do feel that Lord Maul may be inside."

"I don't really think it's likely that-" Plagueis stopped. "Oh, you're right. He went inside."

"What convinced you?" Palpatine asked.

Plagueis pointed down at small bootprints in the sandy entryway.

"Finally!" Palpatine said. "He can't be far now!"

The two Sith entered the temple. It was completely dark.

Plagueis reached out with the Force and ignited the sconces around them. They could see a long hall. "These Sith temples have a similar design to the ones on Korriban. This hallway should wind around until we reach the central throne room where the sarcophagi is kept."

"I do hope we find him before that," Palpatine said. "I really despise cantankerous Force ghosts."

Plagueis rolled his eyes. "I told you, Apprentice, Force ghosts aren't real-"

"Fine, then I don't like it when the shared hallucinations try to rip our eyeballs out!" Palpatine snapped. He continued forward, but after only a few more paces Plagueis pulled him abruptly backwards.

"What are you-?!" Palpatine exclaimed before abruptly going silent as ten rows of spikes pushed down from the ceiling right in front of him. Several were encrusted in the skulls of various beings.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Plagueis said.

Palpatine grimaced. "I hope Lord Maul didn't go this way. Perhaps we should try the other direction."

Plagueis said "We'll get to the other side regardless. I say we continue on. If Maul is still inside here then we'll find him."

"I suppose," Palpatine said, radiating fear and blinking very quickly, as if he was trying very hard not to cry.

"His small stature-may have allowed him to move safely-under the spikes," Plagueis said haltingly, also trying very hard not to cry.

"Yes, perhaps you are right," Palpatine said. "How do you propose we get past these-deterrents?"

"I propose we perform experiments to determine their behavior," Plagueis said.

Palpatine frowned. "I expressly do not volunteer."

"I assure you, Darth Sidious, that's not what I meant," Plagueis lifted a rock with the Force. He propelled the rock forward, causing the spikes to come crashing down again.

"Ooohhhh," Palpatine said. "I see."

After performing perhaps twenty of these tests, Plagueis determined that they had sufficient data to move past the spike trap, standing in exactly the right places to squeeze themselves sideways between the spikes.

As they continued cautiously down the hallway, they turned a corner down a darkened hall and this time Palpatine used the Force to light the sconces lining the walls. As they continued down the corridor they didn't encounter any further traps.

Plagueis stopped abruptly when he heard voices.

"Palpatine," he whispered. "Do you hear that?"

"Yes, there's three voices up ahead, some ways down the next corner."

They stood still and listened, trying to make out what was being said. Plagueis realized that whoever was speaking was talking in Basic.

"Maz, tell Irry to stop eating all the rations!" a voice pleaded.

"I'll remind you of the rule, Darva," another voice replied serenely. "No fighting amongst yourselves."

"Look, I can't help it I have a fast metabolism." The voice Plagueis surmised belonged to Irry replied. "You can have-" There was a crinkling sound. "This one."

"So generous," the one referred to as Darva said, voice dripping sarcasm. "Maz, can you tell her I need more than one meal per day?"

"I'm literally right here."

"Could you help me with this rather large ruby inset, Irry?"

"Ruby? Ooo, my favorite! Of course! Let me get my chisel!"

Plagueis relaxed, having determined the type of being that the voices belonged to. The two Sith Lords looked at each other. "Perhaps we should question these tomb raiders about Lord Maul?" Plagueis murmured.

Palpatine nodded.

The two Sith Lords turned the corner, strode forward a few steps, and crossed their arms dramatically.

A lanky Bith holding a rations bar, a plump Neimodian with a chisel, and small orange being attempting to pry a large ruby out from the wall stood in front of them.

Plagueis frowned and crossed his arms. "Ahem."

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" Palpatine asked indignantly. "Cease this vandalism immediately. Or else!"

The three beings finally turned their heads to look at them, startled.

The short, wrinkled orange one wearing goggles recovered first and responded warmly. "My name is Maz Kanata," she said with a friendly smile. "It sounds as if you may be attempting to threaten us."

Plagueis narrowed his eyes. "It sounds as if you are insufficiently threatened. Do you know who we are?"

Maz looked unperturbed. "In my life, I have so often seen the same eyes in different people. Though I admit it has been a very long time indeed since I have seen a Sith."

The Bith and Neimodian gasped.

Palpatine glanced over at Plagueis. "The small one has no fear of us," Palpatine hissed.

"Yes, I've noticed," Plagueis said, fixing Maz with an icy glare. "This temple is property of the Sith. That's us." Plagueis gestured to himself and Palpatine. "You are to cease your petty theft of the decor immediately and assist us with our current search."

"Petty theft?!" the Neimodian woman exclaimed, outraged. "How dare you?! This is grand theft!"

Plagueis and Palpatine exchanged looks.

"Please excuse Irry, but she takes great pride in our work and dislikes it when others mistake us for common thieves," Maz said.

Plagueis raised a hairless brow.

"And what else should we refer to you rabble as? Uncommon thieves?" Palpatine scoffed.

"Ah, no," Maz said, chuckling. "We're pirates."

"And don't you forget it!" Irry exclaimed, standing to her full height. "I am Hath Irilan, First Mate of the feared Pirate Queen Maz Kanata! And don't you forget it!"

"You just said that," Darva said.

"Because I was emphasizing!"

"I prefer the term respected," Maz said.

"That doesn't have the same ring to it," Irilan replied. "Respected Pirate Queen?" She frowned. "That's too many syllables."

"I apologize if my Apprentice and I upset you," Plagueis said. "But I also demand you assist us immediately."

"Assist you?" Darva asked. The Bith tilted her head. "With what?"

"We are looking for another Sith," Plagueis said. "A young human-zabrak hybrid called Lord Maul. You will help us find him."

Palpatine pulled a series of flimsiplast photos folded together out of his satchel. "He looks like this."

"Awwww," the three pirates cooed.

"He's so cute!" Darva said.

"Adorable," Irilan warbled.

"I do especially love the photo where you are carrying him in his sleep," Maz said. "What a sweet boy."

"He is terrifying and you will help us locate him," Palpatine said, scowling, before carefully tucking the photos back in his satchel.

"Oh, Maz, we're going to help them, right?" Irilan asked. "Look at their sad little faces!"

"We are not sad! We are angry!" Palpatine hissed.

"Of course we're going to help them," Maz said.

"Of course! That's what pirates do! We help people!" Darva chimed in.

Plagueis and Palpatine exchanged glances.

"So, have you seen him?" Plagueis asked.

"No," Maz said. "Shall we proceed forward with the search?" She gestured down the dimly lit corridor ahead of them.

"Yes," Plagueis said. "Thank you."

The five beings proceeded down the hall, calling out for Maul periodically. However, they still did not find him. Eventually, they came to the center chamber of the temple.

"I don't like this," Palpatine said, looking around at the sconces that lit themselves as they entered.

"We won't be here long," Plagueis said. "There aren't many places to hide here. Let's check the sarcophagi."

Irilan rushed forward eagerly with her chisel.

"Not you," Palpatine growled.

"Awww," the Neimodian pirate exclaimed in disappointment.

Plagueis and Palpatine walked over to the sarcophagi and examined the area around it.

"We should probably open it, just to be thorough," Plagueis pointed out.

"Surely he couldn't be in there ?" Palpatine murmured, sounding horrified.

"Hopefully not, but we must be sure," Plagueis said. "I'll just take a quick look." He slowly levitated the lid of the sarcophagi. Inside there was-nothing.

"That was anticlimactic," Palpatine said.

"The climate of this area is not especially conducive to corpse preservation," Plagueis said. "And this sarcophagi is slightly damaged. The former occupant's body likely decomposed long ago."

"Let's just get out of here," Palpatine said.

Plagueis nodded and slowly floated the lid of the sarcophagi back into place.

The two Sith lords began walking back towards where the pirates stood waiting, but paused when the walls rumbled threateningly.

"Who dares enter my domain?" a voice boomed and echoed through the immense chamber.

Palpatine cursed in Sith.

Plagueis sighed. "Not this again."

"Who dares disturb the realm of Exar Kun?" A ghostly human appeared in full battle armor, towering over them.

Palpatine gritted his teeth. "No one! We were just leaving!"

"If you ignore them, they go away faster," Plagueis suggested.

"I'm really quite certain that's literally never been true," Palpatine said. "I don't go away faster when I'm ignored. I don't see why a dead Sith would be any different!"

Plagueis rolled his eyes, but decided there was no point in arguing with his Apprentice right now.

Meanwhile, Maz had pulled out a blaster and her Bith and Neimodian companions had edged towards her, looking apprehensively around the chamber. "What does he want?" Maz asked.

Palpatine shrugged. "Using our bones as percussive accompaniment to our screams? I really don't know."

"Actually, that's a good idea…" Kun said.

"You know, this may not be a hallucination," Plagueis said.

"Are you going to actually admit he's real?" Palpatine asked.

"Real? Yes. A ghost? No. More like another tomb safeguard like the spikes from earlier."

"Wait," Kun said. "The two of you-I feel the Dark Side within you. Listen to me, and learn the ways of the Sith-"

"-and gain absolute power etc etc," Palpatine finished. "I realize this might come as something of a disappointment, but we are already Sith and don't need your help with that!"

"But I have-knowledge you can only dream of. Pledge yourself in service to me, and together we will be unstoppable."

"No thanks," Palpatine said. He seemed to consider something then. "Wait, have you seen"-he dug out his array of folded photos and allowed gravity to unravel them into a long flimsiplast rectangle, "this child?"

The apparition blinked, looking momentarily confused, then curled his lip in disgust. "I have seen no such weak and worthless creature."

"Oh. Alright." Palpatine calmly tucked the photos back into his satchel, before looking back up at Exar Kun and snarling. "How dare you insult Lord Maul. I will see you suffer!"

"Sidious, please be reasonable!" Plagueis said. "That's not an actual being! It's just some kind of holoprojection-you can't make it suffer."

"Correction-I can't kill him, because he's already dead. But I can definitely make him rue his miserable existence!" He looked up at Kun. "You think making yourself look twenty feet tall makes you intimidating? More like trying to compensate because you're not even a Darth..."

"You will pay for your insolence!" Kun growled. "All of you fools will pay!"

Plagueis heard a rattling noise and looked around him. The bones of dead animals and adventurers began to reassemble themselves.

"Palpatine, I think it is time to leave this place," Plagueis said.

"Leave? I'm only getting started-oh," he said, seeming to notice the skeletons that had begun plodding towards them. "All right. Good idea."

"He's attacking us with legions of the undead!" Irilan exclaimed.

Plagueis looked over at her.

"You mean legions of the posthumously animated," Plagueis said, annoyed. "Undead just means not dead. You're undead." Plagueis pointed at the shambling skeletons. "They're not."

"A little help with the posthumuously animated then, Darth Pedantic?" Darva grumbled, firing a blaster at the skeletons. Maz did the same.

"Oh," Plagueis said. "Of course." He sent a Force wave at the skeletons, which toppled them all to the ground.

He smiled and gestured towards them. "Problem solved."

Then the skeletons began reassembling themselves.

"No," Palpatine said. "Problem not solved. Problem very definitively not solved." He raised a hand towards the skeletons.

"Wait," Plagueis said. Putting a hand on Palpatine's shoulder. Palpatine looked over at him.

Plagueis gestured to the walls around them. "Sending a Force wave to vaporize these constructs will catastrophically damage the walls of this chamber and cave the ceiling in on us."

"So what do you suggest?" Palpatine asked.

"I suggest we walk at a brisk pace through the unsearched corridor to locate Maul and then exit this temple."

"And what about them?!" Palpatine gestured to the skeletons.

"We just outwalk them," Plagueis said. "Do they look fast to you?"

Palpatine seemed to consider this. "They walk like a drunken Sith Master who's about to collapse on the floor," Palpatine said, giving him a significant look.

Plagueis smiled. "I assume you agree then."

"You've got to be kidding me," Irilan said. "Your brilliant plan is just to outwalk them?"

"Do you have a better idea?" Plagueis asked.

Irilan narrowed her eyes. "I would feel awfully foolish if I admitted I didn't, so I'm just going to say I do but no one here would understand it."

"I'm certain your plan is ingenious," Maz said comfortingly.

"It is," Irilan said. "It is incomprehensibly brilliant!"

The two Sith and three pirates walked swiftly away from the skeletons, ignoring Exar Kun's angry threats of their imminent torture and demise. Darva began eating the rations bar she was holding.

Plagueis and Palpatine looked searchingly around them as they walked through the hall, but did not see Maul. Though they couldn't linger, there was really nowhere he could be hiding in the hall.

Plagueis suddenly felt the floor beneath him fold in on itself. A hand grabbed him, followed shortly by another hand, both of which belonged to a certain Sith Apprentice.

"Oooh, a spike pit! How original!" Palpatine said as he slowly pulled Plagueis up. "Urgh, you're a lot heavier than you look, Master."

"My height requires a certain body mass, Apprentice." Palpatine pulled him up to the edge of the spike pit.

"What now?" Maz said, looking between the pit now in front of them and the skeletons behind them. "We seem to be stuck between two equally unpleasant alternatives."

Palpatine and Plagueis easily jumped over the spike pit. Maz looked over at them. "So, you're just going to leave us here? I suppose I'll just have to-"

"You haven't helped us find Maul yet, so no," Palpatine said, levitating the three pirates over the pit.

"Indeed, we are not done with you," Plagueis said.

Finally, the three pirates were across the pit. Plagueis looked back across the pit at the skeletons and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Maz asked.

Plagueis pointed at the skeletons standing on the other side. "They stop at the edge of the pit trap," he said, chuckling. "Such a bad design, allowing one trap to foil the other."

"Yes, this Exar Kun fellow truly is a loser," Palpatine said, grinning mockingly at the skeletons.

Then they turned around and continued on their way.

After a few more minutes, they were back at where they started-the Sith temple entrance.

Any earlier amusement Palpatine had expressed had vanished. "Where could Maul be?!" Palpatine said despairingly. "He must have gone in there-"

"Yes," Plagueis said. "We both saw his footprints-wait." He looked Maz up and down. "You are approximately the same height as Lord Maul, and-wearing the same style of boot!" He grimaced.

Palpatine pulled at his red hair. "Then...he's not here...he could be anywhere…"

"We have to keep searching," Plagueis said. He pointed at Maz. "You and your assistants will fan out and search the area."

"Alright, Darth Sith Lord," Maz said, craning her head up at him.

"That is Darth Plagueis, Master of the Sith, to you," Plagueis said.

Maz tilted her head. "Sorry, these ears aren't what they used to be. Did you say you were called Darth Plaqueis?" Maz said. "Like a scourge of unbrushed teeth?"

Plagueis narrowed his eyes. "Close enough," He said. "None of you are to rest until Lord Maul is found. No matter how long it takes!"

"You heard him! Let's find this adorable child!" Maz said.

"Terrifying!" Sidious corrected as the three pirates walked off separately into the trees. "You mean terrifying!"

The pirates had disappeared for no more than a few seconds when they heard one of them call out.

"Uh, I found him…"

The two Sith Lords and the remaining pirates converged quickly on the voice.

"He's up there," Irilan said, pointing at the tree tops. Four more gazes snapped instantly up towards where she pointed. Maul sat on top of a winged Sith Abomination, waving cheerily.

"Maul!" Palpatine said, his expression brightening immediately.

"Oh, a battle hydra," Plagueis said. "That explains a lot."

"Papa! Magister! Look at my new friend!" Maul's voice called out.

Palpatine took a slightly squashed box out of his satchel. "I brought this giant cake for you! If you come down here you can have-the whole thing."

"Wow!" Maul said. "It looks amazing!"

"Do you need help getting down from there?" Plagueis called out.

"No, Mr. Magister," Maul said. He said something inaudible to the horrific winged creature, which flew down from the tree. It's two heads regarded Palpatine and Plagueis with eyes filled with pure malice.

Plagueis walked up to the creature, who turned the attention of both of its heads to the Sith Lord. Plagueis narrowed his eyes at the creature, which licked its lips with a forked tongue. The Sith stopped directly in front of the battle hydra.

"Thank you for returning Lord Maul." He paused, and watched as the creature angled a head towards its tiny rider and Maul placed a hand on that head. "Yes. Thank you, nice flying-lizard." The creature actually cooed as Maul scratched above its nose. Plagueis realized Maul must be communicating with the battle hydra through the Force. Apparently, his powers were beginning to manifest after all.

"Actually, the battle hydra is a avian-reptiloid, not a lizard," Plagueis said matter-of-factly.

The unnatural creature stood placidly in front of him. Still, Plagueis regarded the abomination warily as he scooped Maul off the creature's back and carried him over to Palpatine, who took him in his arms and hugged him.

The hydra then launched itself into the air in a surprisingly amicable fashion without any attempt to dismember any of them.

Palpatine handed Maul a piece of cake, which meant that Maul's hands and face immediately became a mess of blue icing and cake crumbs.

Plagueis looked over at Maz. "Your assistance has been appreciated."

Maz raised a hairless brow. "It was no problem." She gestured to Irilan and Darva. "Alright, time for us to get back to work!" She began walking towards the Sith Temple.

"Wait," Plagueis said.

The three pirates stopped, and Maz turned to look at him. "Yes?"

"As I said, the Sith temple belongs to us," Plagueis said. "As does everything in it."

"You're attached to the place, then?"

Plagueis shook his head. "Not really. I hate this temple and everything in it. I'm never going in there again." He sent a Force Wave at the temple and the ancient stones collapsed in on themselves. "This is more of a 'if I can't have it neither can you' sort of thing."

Irilan looked devastated. "Goodbye lucrative Sith Temple. Goodbye rubies from the River of Blood fresco."

Maz looked speculatively up at the shoulder of her First Mate, which stood over a meter above her reach. "There will be others," she said comfortingly, patting the air in the general direction of the unreachable shoulder.

"I've never seen the appeal of gemstones, anyway. They don't even earn interest," Plagueis remarked.

Irilan reached out a hand toward the Temple. "So close, yet so far. Rubies the size of my head..."

Plagueis pulled a datapad out of his satchel and typed into it intently. "Still, I imagine 100 million credits can buy some fairly large ones."

"100 million credits?" Irilan said.

"Yes, I just transferred it to you."

"Me?! It's all-mine?"

"You found Maul, so yes," Plagueis said. He looked at the other two. "Of course, neither of you get anything." He smiled, then cackled evilly. "All part of my diabolical plan to create dissension in your merry band!"

Irilan blinked at him and then looked over at Maz and Darva. "I don't really see any reason I can't split this money three ways. It's a lot."

"My plan is foiled!" Plagueis exclaimed, putting a hand to his chest dramatically.

Irilan looked nervously at him. "What are you going to do now?"

"Nothing," Plagueis said. "I did not come up with a contingency plan. This was not in any way or at all on purpose."

"Yes, we're letting all of you leave this planet alive, and I for one think that is very generous of us," Palpatine said, cuddling a frosting-covered Maul.

"Who are they, Papa?" Maul asked, pointing at the three pirates.

"They're pirates," Palpatine said.

"Wow! I didn't know pirates were real! Are they your friends?"

"Of course not!" Palpatine said. "Sith don't have friends!"

"Can they be my friends?" Maul asked. Palpatine looked exasperated. "No! Oh, alright. Maybe-"

"Yay!" Maul said. He looked over at the pirates. "Will you be my friends?"

The pirates all agreed to be his friend. Maul gave them all a piece of his giant cake and they thanked him and ate the proffered gift before waving goodbye and returning to their pirate ship.

And Plagueis thought that that was the end of that. Until Maul looked over at him. "Can she come with us?"

Plagueis looked around, trying to see if one of the pirates had snuck up on them. "The pirates have their own ship," he said, wondering which one of them he was referring to.

"No, that's not what I meant," Maul said. He pointed upward and Plagueis, looking up at the treetops, noticed the Sith Abomination staring down at them.

"Oh," Plagueis said. "That's an intriguing idea-"

"No, Maul," Palpatine said firmly. "That is a wild animal. She should-live outside or something."

"Actually, the battle hydra is not wild, but feral, and is an invasive species to Yavin IV," Plagueis said. "This creature shouldn't really be here at all and her continued presence here damages the intricate ecosystem of this world."

Palpatine gave him a look which said you are no help at all . "Well, better that she's damaging this ecosystem than the one we live in, right? Anyway, I definitely don't have room for such a creature."

"I could easily neutralize that danger. And I have a number of suitable enclosures-" Plagueis said.

Maul gave Palpatine a hopeful look.

Palpatine sighed. "Fine."

"Hooray!" Maul exclaimed happily.

Then Plagueis and Palpatine took the tiny Sith Lord and the battle hydra back to the ship, where Plagueis coaxed the battle hydra into the storage bay of the vehicle and set out food and water for the creature. Also, Palpatine helped set up a nesting site for the 'wretched creature'. The two Sith Lords watched as Maul played a game of fetch with his new friend. Maul then solemnly announced that she was named Snuggles.

Afterwards Palpatine tucked little Maul into bed and read him his favorite bedtime story, Measure 34.5b - Landing Regulations for Small to Mid-Size Spacecraft.

It had been a good day after all, and tomorrow would be even better.


End file.
